Episode 01: The Wall
*tring tring, tring tring*
“Hello?”
“Umm, is this wall welfare association?”
“This is the ‘National Wall Welfare Association’.”
“Yeah whatever, I need to lodge a complaint!”
“And may I know your name sir?”
“I am Mr. Wall from room number 322.”
“That was too specific.”
“Room no. 322, from Gargi Hostel, IET Lucknow.”
“IIT Lucknow?”
“(Yeah, as if I wasn’t prepared for that) IET Sir, with an E”
“Oh okay okay…Umm I am sorry but I don’t think I’ll be able to help you. Actually-”
“Are you serious? I haven’t told you a word”
“Yea but we don’t entertain such small issues, you see sir our organization deals with massive projects like ‘The hypocrisy at parliament walls’, ‘The agony of slum walls’, ‘The grief of-“
“SHUTUP.”
“Wha- What?”
“I said SHUTUP. Now you listen to me, you average-looking-corporate guy, now I’ll speak and you dare interrupt me-”
“But sir?!”
“So, it all started in 1984, when I was built. I vaguely remember the smell of fresh cement that was filled between my bricks, the cold-white-low quality liquid painted all over me, I was shining like a star!"
“We don’t have the whole day sir! Can you please get to the point?”
“Yea that’s where I am heading to, let me complete first you underpaid-depressed human.
Everything was going great, and I was all set to welcome my not-so-little friends. Sooner did I realize that this was no fairytale or bed of roses, and that’s when the reality struck me hard! With each passing year, it keeps getting worse.
But this time, I decided to raise my voice against the issues I’ve been facing here. I did have a word with a couple of other friends and we’ve all got the same problems.”
“WHAT PROBLEMS SIR? ELABORATE PLEASE.”
“Hey you over enthusiastic-impatient-“
“Ok ok, I get it, continue with your story, we can keep adjectives for some other day.”
“Good for you!
In all these 37 years, I’ve protected these people from scorching heat, rains, thunderstorms, and never ending assignments, ok maybe not the last one.
After all that I have done for these ungrateful creatures, after all that I have sacrificed for them; all I get is insults and those weird doodles. Seriously bro, get a page!”
“Honestly dude, you’re too extra for a wall.”
“Tell me something I don’t know.
Where was I? Ugh yes the doodles. No okay I understand, if you are good with colors, go ahead. BUT ONLY IF YOU’RE GOOD AT IT. Stop using us as the back page of your notebook. No we aren’t interested in your crush’s name and no we don’t want your autograph either. Keep that pointy pen away from my back; that thing hurts okay.
Coming to those weird newspaper clippings, quotes and posters you put to look cool in front of your peers. Bro I know y’all. I mean do you even look at them after putting them right on my face???? At least be a little sensitive while peeling those brutal tapes off man.
And what’s up with those hooks ? First you hammer them all over me and then you’ll hang your old stinky socks! EWWW GROSSS.
AND YOUR CONVERSATIONS MAN!!!! From bashing teachers to making plans for cheating, from overthinking about your future to not giving a damn about anything. From criticizing us on the first day to sobbing for us on the last. Hypocrites!
Trust me when I say this, you guys are the most useless people I’ve seen. You’ll spend hours staring at me pointlessly, thinking about that one senior who is way out of your league but won’t complete your assignments.
How can I forget about your lying capabilities? Eating those left over packets of chips over and over again and still dictating full fat Indian menu when asked your moms. Lies I tell you!
Perhaps the only thing you’re good at is copying assignments; where the speed of writing is directly proportional to the time left and inversely proportional to the quality of handwriting.
I am done with these people, I swear! Now you listen to me, you useless call center boy, hello? hello??? You there?”
“Yes yes, I am here, I am here. I was taken aback by your tragedy sir, please tell me how can I help you?”
“Yes. Now I have a few conditions that needs to be fulfilled in order to still remain a part of Gargi.
Condition no. 1- For all the Pablo Picassos out there, stay away from us!!!
Condition no. 2-No loud conversations after 12am, that’s when we’re suppose to rest.
Condition no. 3-Just be grateful to have us. That’s it. That’s all I had to say.”
“Okay you over-dramatic-emo piece of wall, I’ll get your issues resolved”(laughs hysterically)
“Thank you!”