Episode 03: Gustav
“Gustav, Gustav, you really need to shut up. I’m going to play some Metallica you so abhorrently hate if you don’t.” I say to -.
Wait. I don’t ‘say’ to anyone. I’m talking to myself. Again. This is the third time this past week I’ve caught myself speaking to an imaginary friend of mine. Weird that said imaginary friend just had to be an over-enthusiastic Italian Chef going by the name of 'Gustav'. Where did I even get that image from? “Ratatouille.” A heavily accented voice answers me. “A week ago you fell asleep watching this film Ratatouille. That’s where I come from.”
“Huh. Figures.” I lean back into my chair with a sigh and cross my arms and look at this chef with his silly white hat. “Wait, does that mean the world is telling me I’m actually a metaphoric rat who loves to cook and you’re the guy in a hat who’ll help me?”
Gustav eyes me wearily and shakes his head. “The hat is called a toque, mind you. And no, you’re just going bat shit crazy.”
“Oh well, yeah. That makes more sense,” I reply stretching my legs. I then realize that I fell asleep on my desk trying to cover the first chapter of the purely theoretical subject I hate so much. *Insert name of some such subject.*
I jump up wildly as understanding seeps in and I come to realize that I had only read a mere two pages before snoozing. That is, if a snooze lasted from 11 O’clock in the night to 9 in the morning. Yes, I had been dead to the world after reading a few paras of the book’s Arial print.
The test is tomorrow and I cannot find the zeal to study for it! Gustav smiles at the impending doom he knows I sense and rolls his eyes. “Why didn’t you study for the test before? Why didn’t you listen to the teacher in class?” He puts these questions before me as if I know the exact answers for them.
Firstly, I yawn. In response to which his face forms an irritated expression. Wasn’t the chef supposed to be kind and gentle in the movie? “All these 'whys'! You have so many questions. I hate this subject. Hence, I didn’t study before. Secondly, I’m an engineering student, we don’t roll in the 'study everyday' category. And the exam is tomorrow and I took two days off to study for it, but that’s not working out.”
He looks at me from top to bottom with this spark in his eye. He’s judging me. “What?” I ask him sharply.
“Well, I was just thinking about why it’s not working out. I mean, you set aside two whole days to study. I would expect you to have completed at least two chapters. But if one is to take a look at all that you did yesterday, I can’t say it’s a mystery.”
I cock my head. “What do you mean? I spent all day yesterday doing very productive stuff. I was preparing to start studying this villainous piece of a subject!”
He smirks. The audacity. “And may I ask, how prepared you feel right now?”
I'm stumped. “When did you become so cocky? I thought you were supposed to be a helping hand, a guide or something!”
Gustav rolls his eyes, “That is completely beside the point. Anyway, your brain was the one who came up with me, how am I supposed to know why I’m like this?
“I should ponder upon this highly absorbing matter” I say leaning into my chair once more.
Gustav glares at me and frowns with impatience. “I really think we should talk about your other problems.”
“Problems? What problems? I’m as fit a fiddle.”
“Really? Well then, start studying. “
“Chill, I've just woken up. And I’m not in the mood right now. I need a king-sized breakfast and an hour of preparation.”
Gustav visibly pales." Oh no, not again. Not after everything we did yesterday. And you’re back to square zero.”
“Well, I'd like to think I’m at least at square one. Square zero is too low, even for me.”
“Absolutely not. You’re definitely on Square Zero. We are not doing a video binge again.”
“Those were motivational videos! For preparation!”
Gustav raises an eyebrow at me. I now feel a bit ashamed. “Okay, maybe watching motivational videos to study wasn’t the best way to prepare,” I mutter discontentedly.
“Don't even get me started. You woke up yesterday and decided to completely clear your schedule for the next two days for this perilous exam you have. But then, what do you do? Spend an hour and a half watching trashy motivational videos made by men with deep, resonating voices who’ve probably never achieved anything in their life except for getting gold stickers from their nursery school teachers. After which, you claim to have ‘studied’ for far too long and spend the rest of the day watching re-runs of Two and a Half Men. Yes, I would say that wasn’t the best way to prepare.” During his completely mother-hen rant, he's continuously pacing the room making exaggerated gestures with his hands in a stereotypical Italian fashion to punctuate each sentence.
“Hey, I liked some of them, okay! I was actually going to get up and start on my notes after the fourth video.” I must defend my honor. No matter how dumb I sound.
“I’m sure you were. I’m sure watching the comical escapades of two men for hours was a step towards that.” He brushes an imaginary speck of dust off his pristine white apron.
“Don't say that, I watched Big Bang theory for an hour in between too.” My voice is getting shriller.
“And exactly how does that help your case?” He is now sitting at the foot of my bed
“Because Sheldon is science-y. And that’s like getting an education I didn’t ask for.” I’m clutching at loose straws here.
“Oh, however could I have overlooked that,” says Gustav sarcastically.
“Why didn’t the videos work well though? I was supposed to feel motivated! I was supposed to do great things!” I start verbally panicking. I have a test tomorrow. I will not be able to do thing. And everyone thinks it’s such an easy subject.
I glance at Gustav for some support, a look of sympathy, anything. But no, all the snarky devil does is smile like a pleased Cheshire cat. “What now?” I asked him.
“You really think you're going to be, quote in quote ‘motivated’ by watching those videos? Even if you were, it wouldn’t have lasted very long. Neither are these totally irrelevant quotes you’ve hung in your room.”
“Why did I watch them in the first place?” I ask him, exasperated, while sneakily trying to unhinge all the quotes I put up yesterday.
“Because it was the first thing that popped up when you Googled: I need motivation to study.”
“Oh yeah. That.”
“So then, what will help me study?”
“You. And for goodness sake, you really need to stop spending money and time on dumb stuff. Motivation isn’t something that comes from videos anyway. That depends on you. Or stress. Either you want to do something so badly, you feel motivated. Or it’s the opposite. You might be motivated to just get it over with.” Gustav replied oh-so casually.
“Preach. That sounds just about right.”
“I know,” he replies smugly.
“I guess I do want it to over and done with. And get good marks. Maybe I should take a look at the pages of this distasteful subject.” I turn to glance down at the book and start reading, every once in a while, reminding myself that the subject has a large number of credits.
My dad knocks at my door and pokes his head, “Studying, are we? That’s nice. I was sure you’d be asleep. "And just as abruptly walks out.
I smile to myself and turn back to wink at Gustav. He isn’t there anymore. Very unusual. I’ve been having some high-definition daydreams, I think to myself. Then I do a double take when I notice the white toque resting peacefully upon my bed.