Episode 05: Deputy
In the foggy woods, heavy panting like wind fanning the fire broke the eerie silence. Not literally, figuratively, but my lungs would like to heavily disagree. I was running, to where, from where, I don't know. All I knew was that four men with AKs were after me. I was scared. Scared out of my mind, gripping my MK as I did my blankey when I was 6.
*Crash*
Suddenly the world turned upside down. What was happening? 'Oh I'm falling' I realised way too late. "Enemies ahead" was the last thing I heard before sounds of gunfire doused the forest.
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*Knock knock knock* "Himanu wake up! It's 10AM already"
I woke up with a start. You know that jerking motion you do when the doctor taps your knee. Yeah! That one. Try doing that after 5hrs of awkward sleep. THE CRAMPS! I had just woken up and I already felt like dying.
Also what was up with that dream? It felt too real. My conditioned fight or flight reflex was still taut. I think I should stop this late night PUBG marathon. Maybe video games do cause violence, or maybe it's just me.
"Breakfast is ready and if you're not down in 10 minutes then forget about lunch and dinner as
well." Screamed mum before I heard her footsteps receding towards the kitchen. What time was
it again? 10 AM? Shoot I have DSD's CT in an hour.
"Damn you China! Why make such an addictive game" I hurried to the bathroom while being the
most patriotic I've ever been in my life.
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"So the prince finally showed his face in the land of the living. Did us lowly mortals disturbed his
highness's royal sleep?" dad taunted while keeping his eyes glued to a newspaper.
"The imperial examinations and threat to one's sustenance can bring down angels. Who am I to
break the law of the jungle dad?" I quipped back snickering. "Where's fatso?"
"Call him because a normal human being cannot hear over that noise pollution he calls music."
said dad.
If you have not yet figured out then fatso is my little brother and the receiving end of all the pampering. Also, every sibling is fatso no matter their weight.
"You should wake up at six. In our time we used to wake up before the first rays of the sun." And walked six miles to school after crossing a river was left unsaid. "You don't yet realize how many responsibilities you would need to handle once your mum and I retire." In all honesty I knew what he was going to say. He always repeats the same thing, I cannot call it drivel because he speaks the truth. Does not mean I cannot whine about it?
"What is the subject?" He asked.
"Digital System Design."
"Is that hard?"
"Umm! Not really. I studied till late last night." I lied, with a straight face. In all honesty I hadn't studied a word of DSD, I didn't even know what was in the subject. So how can I be so nonchalant about it? Because it's online. It was more of a group bonding exercise than a test at this point. "Well... College studies are fine and all but don't forget what your end goal is." He said.
Oh! Here we go again.!
"Papa! I don't want to give UPSC. I have told you so many times."
It was hard to keep my voice straight. We have had this conversation so many times. Sometimes it felt like I was in groundhog day, waking up to the same breakfast conversation. I felt déjà vu at every sentence. I fear someday the architect of the matrix will abduct me for causing so many glitches.
"Why are you being so stubborn Himanshu? A government job is a job of luxury. Just look at your uncle, a car filled with police bodyguards always follows him. Look at us, still living in this rented house." He had started folding his newspaper by then. That is how you know the conversation is getting real, when your father puts the newspaper down.
"You remember Abhilasha auntie? Her daughter left her 12lakh per annum job and started preparing for UPSC. And here you are, being stubborn when we are giving you all the resources."
"But some people don't want a government job. I want to be free, not tied down changing homes at their whims."
"So what do you want to do? If there is a job in the world where they pay you for staying in your room whole day reading on your phone then please enlighten me O' reincarnation of ambition and productivity"
"Well there is YouTube."
"Don't be a smart ass Himanshu otherwise someone's going to get hurt real bad"
"But look at uncle, he cannot go wherever he likes whenever he likes. Always packing his bags at a moment's notice. I don't want to live like that. Living from transfer to transfer." I grumbled. In the thousands of iterations of this conversation, I had never achieved the moral high ground, and I did not have any hope that I would today. Suddenly he slammed the newspaper and the table and took a deep breath.
"Then what do you want to do? Private job? Isn't that worse? You are not studying at IIT that the companies would be flocking around to hire you. Even if you land a job, and that is a big if, even then there is no guarantee that you would like it. Stuck at someplace who is milking you for every ounce of your energy, doing the same 9 to 5 job, scraping for holidays and bonuses. Just like that you would waste your 5 years trying to climb the corporate ladder for what? To end up like me. Living in a rented house telling your kids to land a high level government job? You do not study enough for good grades or to go for higher studies. Even then you will end up the same, scraping for slightly more pay and equally horrible bosses. And have you looked at the condition of this country. GDP is down, the government is selling all the property, there are no jobs and engineers are everywhere. Where will you find a job huh? So tell me Himanshu Sharma, what will you achieve living this life?"
Oh, man! He was panting, out of breath from that Eminem-esq rant.
"Still Kartik Aryan did way better" I inaudibly mumbled.
"What did you say?" He bellowed.
"Nothing... Nothing at all" At this point I was more than happy to silently listen to him. Kids, a small life advice for you, when your father starts to resemble a 27-year-old male from a certain movie who just got dumped then it is better to zip those lips and throw the keys away. Thank me later.
I knew he was not wrong. Government jobs had their appeal too. Living that thug life on that taxpayer money feels good too. But that loss of freedom is more jarring than anything I have ever felt. I just wanted this to end at this point. Never knew class test would be something I would look towards. If any god who is listening to this poor atheist soul, this is your chance to prove your existence.
Suddenly we heard a door open and loud music blasts in our ears stopping dad's monologue.
~...walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's only me, and I walk alone~
Oh, the gods of GreenDay have listened to my wish. This insignificant pest will always sing praises of your songs, he swears fealty to your music o creator. Only you understand my mood. "Close The Goddam Music!!" Dad bellowed. I heard a light squeal and suddenly the house was doused into a cold silence. I should treat fatty one day. Definitely.
"Stop shouting now and eat your breakfast. He has an exam today, don't pester him now. Let him focus"
Mum walked out of the kitchen with those words and hands filled with breakfast. Food had never looked tastier. ________________________________________
A sigh escaped my lips while I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling. There were 15 minutes left before the test and my mind was in turmoil. I should try to distract myself from this 15 min of midlife crisis. O gods of Green Day, I beseech thee to save thy soul from eternal damnation. In the holy altar of Spotify I summon thee to bless with thine angelic music. "
*...No one likes interruption. Upgrade to Spotify premium to listen to uninterrupted music….*" * Oh FRICK YOU SPOTIFY!